Television actor Ankita Bhargava shared the story of her ‘most painful phase of losing an unborn child’ in 2018. In a heartfelt Instagram post, she said that she and her husband, television actor Karan Patel, struggled to cope with her miscarriage initially but realised they need to ‘feel the pain together’. She revealed that they ‘cried every night’ at the smallest of things, from a baby shower invitation to diaper commercials.
Ankita said that she wrote the note a few days ago, but it took her some time to muster up the courage and share the ‘most personal post that (she is) ever going to write’. She opened up about the ‘emptiness’ she and Karan felt, and how they overcame the tragedy.
In her post, Ankita said that she was supposed to fly to Thailand for a shoot and got a go-ahead from her gynecologist. Though she was happy and healthy, she miscarried. “And just like that I miscarried! With no explanations and medical reasons found,lt was termed as an unfortunate incident! There was nothing wrong that i had done or there was nothing wrong with my body and most importantly there was nothing wrong with my unborn child too! Just that, My first child,Came into this world way too early to meet me! But I didnt even get to see my baby’s face! We had prayed for that child! Prayed very hard!,” she wrote.
Ankita said that she would wake up to an ‘empty feeling’ every day and hated God for months. “At first Karan and I didnt know how to cope with this pain.Cos there is no method to it! Our approach went against eachother.I wanted Him to be with me and face the pain together,He believed that my pain will intensify seeing his pain! So everytime we were together he would show me his normal side to make me feel lighter…. but that just made the both of us bottle up so much sadness individually! Until one day,l had to tell him in words, That i want us to hold eachother and feel the pain TOGETHER! And we did!,” she wrote.
When Karan and Ankita decided to grieve together, their process of healing began. “We cried every night before sleeping… at the smallest of things… it could be someones baby shower invitation,A baby crying on tv,An expecting couple on some Netflix series,Baby commercials,A doggie having babies… Anything!,” she wrote.
Though Karan and Ankita seemed outwardly happy, she said that they were tormented within. “For the world we were getting back to our normal quickly but only Him and I knew that a big piece of our heart has been ripped apart brutally! Our Family and friends were a big support in helping us through our dark times! But for me,my husband was my biggest strength specially at that time! He held me together!,” she said.
Ankita said that her ‘world had turned upside down’ and life felt meaningless. She drew strength from the fact that she was not alone, as five women in her family and friends circle had similar experiences. “This lil fact didnt lessen my pain but helped me feel that im not alone and most importantly made me believe that like everyone else… I TOO WILL SURVIVE THIS MOST PAINFUL PHASE OF LOSING AN UNBORN CHILD,” she wrote.
What made things worse for Ankita was that she was brutally trolled for her miscarriage and told that they ‘deserved it’. She was also told to leave Karan and called infertile. “It hurt me bad,getting in and out of whatever u wanna call it… i had my bad and very bad days. Most days i kept it all inside… and somedays i let it all out,” she wrote.
Ankita said that she could not find any answers to why she lost her unborn child, but when they were blessed with a baby, she could only express gratitude. “We have named her ‘Mehr’ : God’s Blessing. And when i took her in my arms all I could say was… ‘Thank God For your Kindness,’” she wrote.
Ankita went on to say that a woman was not defined by her miscarriage. “Having another baby just keeps you away from the past by keeping you busy but doesnt lessen the pain of your prior loss. You have to learn to compartmentalise in life and just wait out the hard times,” she said. The most important lesson she learnt from that phase was to let out emotions.
“Cry…. Cry out Loud,Cry out Silently,Cry with your partner,Cry alone in the washroom,Cry while driving,Cry while cooking…. Just cry as much as you want to and for as long as you want to… IT IS THERAPEUTIC AND HEALING!,” she concluded.
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